Bringing up long-term care with your parents isn’t easy. It can feel awkward, emotional, and sometimes even unnecessary—especially if your parents are still relatively independent. But waiting until something happens can leave you scrambling. When we plan ahead, we’re more likely to honor our parents’ wishes and reduce stress during already difficult times. If you’re wondering when and how to have this conversation, you’re not alone. We’re here to guide you through it with respect and compassion.
Signs It’s Time to Start the Conversation
There’s no perfect moment, but there are signs that it’s time to talk. You may start noticing little things—missed appointments, unopened mail, or a forgotten pot on the stove. These small moments can point to larger changes.
You might consider bringing up long-term care if:
- One or both parents are showing signs of memory loss or confusion
- There’s been a recent fall, illness, or hospitalization
- Your parent is having trouble managing their home or daily routine
- One parent is acting as a full-time caregiver and becoming overwhelmed
Even if none of these apply just yet, starting early opens up more options. When decisions are made calmly rather than in a crisis, everyone benefits.
How to Approach the Conversation
The way you talk to your parents about long-term care matters just as much as the timing. This isn’t about telling them what to do—it’s about working together to plan ahead.
Here are some tips that can help:
- Choose a quiet, low-stress time to bring it up. Avoid holidays or large family gatherings.
- Start with questions, not instructions. For example: “Have you ever thought about what kind of care you’d want if things changed?”
- Be patient. You may not get all the answers in one conversation, and that’s okay.
- Really listen. Your parents may have strong feelings—fear, pride, frustration—and they deserve to be heard.
- Share your perspective. Let them know you care and want to support them, not take over.
It’s okay if the first conversation doesn’t go perfectly. The important thing is to keep the door open.
What to Discuss: Key Topics to Cover
Once your parents are open to talking, you’ll want to cover a few key areas. These discussions will help ensure their wishes are known and respected.
1. Healthcare preferences
Ask how they feel about different types of care:
- Would they prefer to age at home, move to assisted living, or consider another option?
- How do they feel about hospice or palliative care in the future?
2. Financial resources
Talk honestly about what’s available. This might include:
- Retirement savings or income
- Long-term care insurance
- Whether Medicaid planning might be needed
Knowing what resources exist helps avoid surprises down the road.
3. Legal planning
This is where we can provide support. Encourage your parents to have:
- A healthcare proxy to name someone who can make medical decisions
- A durable power of attorney for financial matters
- Advance directives or living wills that outline care preferences
- A long-term care plan that considers eligibility for public benefits, if needed
If they don’t have these documents in place—or if it’s been years since they’ve reviewed them—we can help make sure everything is up to date and reflects their current wishes.
How We Can Support You
You don’t have to do this on your own. At Surprenant, Beneski & Nunes, P.C., we help families across Massachusetts plan for long-term care with clarity and compassion. Whether you’re just starting the conversation or looking to put a legal plan in place, we’re here to guide you through it step by step. We’ll work with you and your parents to make sure everyone feels heard and prepared. If you’re ready to talk or need help getting started, contact us today to schedule a consultation.