Caring for an aging parent is never easy, and it can be even more challenging when adult children don’t see eye to eye. One sibling may want Mom to stay at home with hired help, while another believes a move to assisted living is best. Emotions often run high, especially when the parent’s health is declining. These disagreements are common, and thankfully, there are constructive ways to work through them.
Whether you’re trying to reach a family agreement or looking at more formal legal steps, we can help you understand your options.
Start With a Conversation If You Can
Sometimes the simplest place to begin is a real conversation. If your parent still has the ability to make decisions, it’s important to ask what they want. Siblings may each have strong opinions, but your parent’s voice should remain central.
If emotions are flaring, a structured family meeting can help. Try setting a time to talk, sharing concerns openly, and really listening to one another. It’s not always easy, but being on the same page about your parent’s wishes can prevent bigger conflicts later.
If tensions are high, it may help to bring in a neutral party—someone trusted by everyone—to guide the discussion in a productive direction.
Mediation: A Non-Adversarial Option
If talking on your own isn’t getting anywhere, elder care mediation is one way to keep things out of court. A trained mediator helps families work through disagreements and come up with solutions that everyone can live with.
Mediation sessions are private and designed to encourage collaboration, not argument. You might use mediation to decide on care routines, finances, or living arrangements. It’s especially helpful when siblings are spread out or emotionally divided.
We often recommend mediation when families are stuck but still want to preserve relationships. With the right support, many families reach agreements that reflect both their parent’s needs and the realities each sibling faces.
When the Dispute Involves Legal Authority
When a parent can no longer make decisions and the family can’t agree on what’s best, legal steps may become necessary. In Massachusetts, this might mean filing for guardianship (for personal and medical decisions) or conservatorship (for financial matters) through the Probate Court.
These proceedings give one person legal authority to act on the parent’s behalf, but they come with oversight and responsibilities. Filing requires evidence that the parent is incapacitated and that no other legal authority, like a power of attorney, is in place.
Guardianship isn’t something to pursue lightly. It can be time-consuming, emotionally charged, and public. Still, in some cases, it’s the only way to protect a parent who’s at risk of harm or financial abuse.
If you’re considering this route, we can help you understand the process, prepare the necessary documents, and make sure you’re acting in your parent’s best interest under the law.
The Role of a Geriatric Care Manager
Sometimes the best way to resolve family disagreements is to bring in someone with a clear-eyed view of what your parent needs. That’s where a geriatric care manager comes in.
These professionals assess your parent’s physical health, cognitive function, home safety, and daily needs. Based on what they find, they create a care plan that reflects reality, not just what one sibling hopes or fears.
A care manager’s report can help break through gridlock. It gives everyone a common set of facts to work from. We often work with care managers to support our clients, especially when decisions are complicated or emotions are high.
How Legal Planning Can Prevent Conflict
One of the best ways to avoid sibling disputes is through early planning. When a parent sets up clear legal documents while they are still mentally capable, it removes guesswork and gives everyone guidance.
Important documents include:
- Health Care Proxy – Names someone to make medical decisions if needed
- Durable Power of Attorney – Authorizes someone to handle finances
- Advance Directive (Living Will) – Expresses end-of-life care preferences
- HIPAA Authorization – Allows chosen individuals to access medical information and communicate with health care providers
- Revocable Living Trust – Helps manage assets and avoid probate
We work with families to create these documents so that future care is guided by the parent’s own voice, not just the opinions of others.
Don’t Let Conflict Define the Process
Disagreements among siblings are normal, but they don’t have to escalate into permanent rifts. Whether your family needs help talking things through, working with professionals, or turning to the court, we’re here to support you.
At Surprenant, Beneski & Nunes, P.C., we offer practical, compassionate legal guidance tailored to your family’s needs. Contact us today and let us help you find a way forward.