It can be hard to watch your parents avoid conversations about their future. You may know they need an estate plan, but every time you bring it up, the topic gets brushed aside or met with silence. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many families face this challenge. The good news is there are ways to approach the conversation with care—and steps you can take even if your parents aren’t ready to move forward right away.
Why Parents May Resist Estate Planning
Resistance to estate planning often comes from a place of emotion, not logic. For many aging parents, talking about wills or powers of attorney feels like admitting they’re nearing the end of their independence—or even their life. That can be a difficult thought to sit with, let alone plan around.
Some common reasons for hesitation include:
- Fear: worry about death, illness, or giving up control
- Misunderstanding: believing they don’t own enough to warrant a plan
- Avoidance: not wanting to deal with paperwork, money, or family conflict
- Uncertainty: not knowing who to trust with their personal decisions
Understanding where your parents are coming from can help you speak with empathy rather than frustration. You’re not trying to push them—you’re trying to protect them.
Communication Strategies That Work
Timing and tone matter. Instead of sitting them down for a serious, one-time talk, try weaving the topic into everyday life. Use real examples—maybe a friend or relative had to deal with probate court or a medical emergency without any legal authority. That kind of story can open the door.
When you do talk to your parents:
- Keep the tone calm and respectful.
- Ask questions instead of making demands.
- Focus on how estate planning helps them, not just the family.
- Offer to help with logistics—like making an appointment or coming along.
Remind them that creating a plan doesn’t mean giving up control. In fact, it ensures that their choices—not someone else’s—will guide what happens next.
What Happens If They Never Plan
If your parents never create an estate plan, the state of Massachusetts will decide for them. That can lead to:
- Probate delays
- Family disagreements
- Medical decisions made by the court instead of loved ones
- A distribution of assets that doesn’t reflect your parents’ wishes
Without a will, their assets may not go to the people they would have chosen. Without a power of attorney or health care proxy, no one may be legally allowed to step in during a crisis. These are not outcomes anyone wants—but they’re easy to avoid with proper planning.
How to Encourage Cooperation: A Step-by-Step Approach
You don’t have to get them to the finish line all at once. Start small. Here’s how:
- Start the conversation casually and without pressure. Bring up stories or what-if questions.
- Frame the plan as a gift—to themselves and to their family. It keeps stress low and avoids future confusion.
- Introduce the idea of meeting with an attorney for an informal chat. Make it feel like an opportunity, not an obligation.
- Reassure them that they stay in control. The plan can be changed at any time.
- Give them space, but keep the door open. If they don’t agree right away, try again later.
Estate planning doesn’t have to happen overnight. Sometimes, it starts with just one conversation that plants the seed.
How We Can Help
At Surprenant & Beneski, P.C., we understand that estate planning is personal. That’s why we take the time to listen—without pressure or judgment. We work with families across Massachusetts to make the process as easy and comfortable as possible.
If your parents are hesitant, we’ll help you approach things in a way that respects their concerns and encourages peace of mind for everyone involved. Contact us today to schedule a consultation. Let’s take that first step together.